I've been working all semester on developing my thesis concept for my Midpoint Review. Next semester I'll have my Midpoint Review where I'll present my idea for my thesis to a review panel. They'll decide if I move forward with my thesis idea for the rest of my time at school. I thought I had a pretty solid concept. I still think it is. I just don't know the right way to convey my concept with my images. I don't want it to be literal. I want it to mean something. I'm sure I could take an easy route and create a concept that would be less challenging and easier for me to accomplish each week. But I want to use this semester (and my thesis project) to challenge myself. I want to grow as a photographer. How do you become great at something if you aren't challenged and pushed? But I feel like I'm being pushed off a cliff right now.
Lately I've been questioning if I should even be doing this program. I feel like a phoney (hi, my name is Holden Caulfield). But when I talk to myself, I know that I do want to do this. I love photography. This is my passion. I just don't know how. I'm to the point in my Thesis Seminar where I can't change my mind about my concept for the rest of the semester. I had a conversation with Heather the day I got my tattoo. I basically said I was more scared to commit to a thesis idea than I was my tattoo. I seriously am. I don't think my life depends on it, but sometimes it feels like it. I want to work on a project that I'm passionate about, that means something. Especially because I'll be working on it for a year and a half. Like I've said before, God has given me this talent and I want to glorify Him with my work. I'm praying that He will continue to show me how to do this.
While I wait, I'm trying to remind myself that I need to keep trying. Especially when I feel like giving up, like I do now. I'm afraid to fail, but that doesn't mean I still shouldn't try. So here I go. Let's do this.