Tuesday, October 19, 2010

keep trying

I've been working all semester on developing my thesis concept for my Midpoint Review. Next semester I'll have my Midpoint Review where I'll present my idea for my thesis to a review panel. They'll decide if I move forward with my thesis idea for the rest of my time at school. I thought I had a pretty solid concept. I still think it is. I just don't know the right way to convey my concept with my images. I don't want it to be literal. I want it to mean something. I'm sure I could take an easy route and create a concept that would be less challenging and easier for me to accomplish each week. But I want to use this semester (and my thesis project) to challenge myself. I want to grow as a photographer. How do you become great at something if you aren't challenged and pushed? But I feel like I'm being pushed off a cliff right now.

Lately I've been questioning if I should even be doing this program. I feel like a phoney (hi, my name is Holden Caulfield). But when I talk to myself, I know that I do want to do this. I love photography. This is my passion. I just don't know how. I'm to the point in my Thesis Seminar where I can't change my mind about my concept for the rest of the semester. I had a conversation with Heather the day I got my tattoo. I basically said I was more scared to commit to a thesis idea than I was my tattoo. I seriously am. I don't think my life depends on it, but sometimes it feels like it. I want to work on a project that I'm passionate about, that means something. Especially because I'll be working on it for a year and a half. Like I've said before, God has given me this talent and I want to glorify Him with my work. I'm praying that He will continue to show me how to do this.

While I wait, I'm trying to remind myself that I need to keep trying. Especially when I feel like giving up, like I do now. I'm afraid to fail, but that doesn't mean I still shouldn't try. So here I go. Let's do this.

1 comment:

  1. This is exactly how I feel in my program! We're not to our thesis yet (will be soon enough though) but most days I am like why am I doing this? I'm no good at this, I can't do this! But I know that I just have to keep going and persevering and even when it seems impossible and I feel like the biggest idiot in my class God is there and I'm here for a reason even if I can't quite see it yet.