Monday, May 2, 2011

All the Single Ladies…

I haven't talked about it before on my blog but The Royal Wedding hubbub has got me thinking a lot lately about relationships and my own “status.”

You may not know this, but I’m a VIP member of the Single Ladies club. I consider myself an expert in the area, seeing as I’ve been single, um…my entire life. I’ve read my fair share of books on the subject [see below], I’ve listened to enough Taylor Swift and watched enough Sex & The City to know how it works.

While I’ve never had a boyfriend [yes, I’m 25 years old and never had a boyfriend], I’ve had my share of guy friends [gone wrong] and heartbreak. If your definition of a date is going somewhere [dinner, movie, event] with a member of the opposite sex [who also pays for you], then I’ve been on a few of those. Although, I don’t know if the dude[s] would consider it “dating.” But then again, I don’t think they considered a lot of things regarding our relationship[s]/friendship[s]. Not my point…whatever.

How many of you girls, women watched the Royal Wedding? I wasn’t able to, but Heather gave me a full rundown [see her blog post HERE]. It was like a fairytale. I feel safe to say that it was every girl and woman’s dream. Who doesn’t want to be a princess? To have your prince come for you and live happily ever after? Women have the innate desire for their own Prince Charming…or whatever version of your dream guy.

It says in Genesis 3:15-17 [NIV], “And I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; he will crush your head, and you will strike his heel.” To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.” To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.”

We were created with this desire and I, for one, can speak of its tremendous presence in my own life. I recommend reading Captivating [see below] to learn more about and better understand some of the deepest desires of a woman’s heart.

I constantly struggle with this desire and turning it over to God. Psalm 37:4 [NIV] says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Easier said than done. I’m not really looking for advice in this. I’ve heard it ALL before. I’ve got the head knowledge. It’s a matter of reminding my heart from time-to-time. For example, I’ve heard this many times, but I easily forget that being married doesn’t make you happy it just makes you married. A person [man or woman] needs to be comfortable and confident in whom they are before any kind of relationship can work.

Carrie: After he left, I cried for a week. And then I realized I do have faith: faith in myself, faith that I would one day meet someone who would be sure that I was the one.

Carrie: But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

I’m lucky that I have such great examples in my life of what true love and real relationships are supposed to be. At the same time, it’s hard when there seems to be couples together all the time. It’s one of those things that stands out to you more when you’re in that situation. That’s where I’m at right now. Everywhere I turn there’s someone else with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, people getting married, having babies [well, that’s part of my job] and so on. It’s in my face constantly! I’m not saying I want to get married and have babies tomorrow. I also know that any relationship isn't going to be perfect because we're all humans. But I do long for the day when it will be my turn.

"The alone people don’t want to hear about the together people." –Grey’s Anatomy

Carrie: I hate it when you're at a dinner party and they all look at you like you're a-
Charlotte: Loser?
Miranda: Leper?
Samantha: Whore?

Someone recently told me that you’re never lonely if you surround yourself with good people. I’m so thankful for my wonderful family and friends, especially my girlfriends. I can share my heart with them and know that they’ll accept me and love me know matter what.

Carrie: Maybe our girlfriends are our soulmates and guys are just people to have fun with.

I’ve made my share of mistakes and turned to guys because I was lonely [and depressed]. At the time I convinced myself that even if this guy wasn’t the one, he was a friend and having someone to hold you was better than feeling alone. Or it was better than feeling alone by yourself. Long story short, I’m in the same place, as far as being alone, and now I have one less friend.

What do you do when you feel like that? It’s a process, turning it over to God instead of taking matters into your own hands. I can’t dwell on my “status”. I need to focus on living and being ME.

I’m not quite sure what else to say. It’s hard to translate what your heart feels into words. To all you other Single Ladies out there, I’ll be praying for you. I know I’m not the only one who feels like this. I know what it’s like to be the third fifth seventh wheel. We have the same hearts’ desire: we want to be loved.

I’d like to give a shout out to Beyoncé for giving all of us Single Ladies an anthem we can dance to with our girlfriends.

Here’s a list of a few books I’ve read on the subject of relationships [or lack thereof]. Please let me know if you have questions about any of them or would like a suggestion.

Captivating by Stasi Eldredge
I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris
The Journey of Desire by John Eldredge
Discipline by Elisabeth Elliot
Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot
Radiant by Marian Jordan
Wilderness Skills for Women by Marian Jordan
The List by Marian Jordan
Sex & The City Uncovered by Marian Jordan
Love Talk by Les Parrott
Relationships by Les Parrott
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn
Lady In Waiting by Jackie Kendall
And The Bride Wore White by Dannah Gresh
I Gave Dating A Chance by Jeramy Clark
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Anticipatience by Sharon Virkler
Wait For Me by Rebecca St James

I want to be beautiful
Make you stand in awe
Look inside my heart,
and be amazed
I want to hear you say
Who I am is quite enough
Just want to be worthy of love
And beautiful
-Beautiful by Bethany Dillon

photos source


  1. ashlee,

    would you even believe i posted a blog by the same title several months ago (on she seeks), complete with the beyonce video and all? :)

    girl, yours is a healthy perspective. i've definitely danced my way through a parade of fools and, at 33, am still single.

    i won't try to 'encourage' you with that one - i would have boo-hoo'ed if someone told me at 25 i might still be single at 33.

    but i *can* tell you that the single life is so rewarding in ways that my married friends (because most all of them are, in fact, married) don't get to experience. plus, it makes us available to them and to work on ourselves and be with jesus and our attentions are not divided.

    anyway, if you find that you are still unhitched at 33, come find me then and i'll tell you then what i have learned. in the meantime, someday your prince will come.

    but, for now, stay married to the lover of your soul. so, so good.


  2. Mary Kathryn, Thank you so much for your sweet words! :)

  3. I love Captivating! Have you read Wild at Heart? An excellent view into the soul of a man too :)

  4. Emelie EdwinssonMay 3, 2011 at 7:22 AM

    I know exactly what you say, I'm 20 and have never had a boyfriend either. But I keep nagging God to send me one... SOON!
    God bless you and have a great day!
    Love from Sweden

  5. Brandy, I haven't read Wild at Heart yet. I need to put it on my list of books to read! I'd love to learn more about that perspective.

    Emelie, Thanks! I'll be praying for you and your future husband, whoever he may be. Blessings to you too!


  6. Hey Ashlee,

    just wanted to leave a note commending you for posting something so honest! you are brave. I struggle with being single, but at the end of the day I would rather be alone than settle for someone who is not right.